I’ve never started my own company, but based on what I experienced in two years of working at a startup, I now know what NOT to do. You’d think most of this stuff would be obvious, but I learned that some people just don’t get it. Here are some things I think would make a new company run much more efficiently:

1. Pay your employees on time:

Come up with a pay schedule and stick to it. If your workers aren’t getting their money on the designated day, they’re going to think the company is out of funds and that you are a deadbeat. Also, they’re working hard, so give them the money that is rightfully theirs. This may come as a shock, but most of us aren’t millionaires.

2. Treat your employees with respect:

This would probably be #1, but I’ve found that people will trade respect for a paycheck. I know I did. This was also the first job I ever had where I never heard the words “thank you” or “good job” directed to anyone, ever. For the most part, we were treated like slaves. Being the boss and having money doesn’t give you the right to treat people like shit, so don’t talk to your workers like they are beneath you. If you don’t show them respect, they will quickly lose respect for you.

3. Favor quality over quantity:

If people can get things done at a high level within normal work hours, why demand that they work 50-60 hours a week? I’d much rather have someone that kicks ass for eight hours than one that coasts for 10. I understand that you have to stay late sometimes to get projects done, but working people to death just for the sake of recorded hours is nonsense. We all learned that working endless hours didn’t matter when layoff time came.

4. Don’t squander the money:

Dumb spending will come back to bite you in the form of cutbacks and layoffs, just like it did to us late last year. They paid to build bathrooms and showers (in a leased office) that hardly anyone ever used. There was also the $3000 coffee machine and catered lunch everyday. Free lunch for employees is nice, but not when the food sucks and it’s provided solely as a means to keep people from leaving the office. Let’s not forget the three projectors when one would have sufficed.

5. Don’t be an asshole:

This was the startup’s biggest problem. Act like a dick and guess what… people aren’t going to like you. It’s as simple as that. People don’t want to work for assholes, and people don’t want to use a product (especially one this bad) created by an asshole.

These are just some of the things that have caused this startup to be a disaster, and they all could’ve been avoided. Putting a chimpanzee with a learning disability in charge would have been a start.

Check in next time when I go over the details of why I left “The Company.” I won’t be so nice.

Smart: Can’t tell if it’s a golf cart or a clown car. Either way, it’s totally lame.

Tesla Roadster: Oh sure, it looks like a sporty little roadster, but there’s a problem: It’s an electric car! That and the company that makes them is about to go out of business. The cars are also popular among tool sheds.

Most BMW’s: Mostly because almost all of them are driven by douchebags like this…

Whatever the f**k this thing is!: I don’t even know what to say for this one. It speaks for itself.

Ricers: Ug! Ricers need to have their licenses revoked… if they even have licenses. It is definitely okay to point and laugh at these cars and their drivers.

Who cares?

After this weekend’s tie between the Eagles and Bengals, it got me thinking about the overtime rules I’ve been saying the NFL should have been using for years now. Because a tie just means that both teams (and the fans) lose.

So, here are rules I would institute for overtime in the NFL:

1. Both teams should get at least one chance on offense, like in college football. Do the coin toss and all that like normal, but both teams should get the ball. If the first team scores, then the other team gets one chance to tie or win the game. If the first team doesn’t score, then the other team can win the game with a score. If there is still a tie after two possessions, then the game enters sudden death.

2. There should be double overtime. If the game is still tied after one overtime period, KEEP PLAYING! This is not a home for dinner situation. I don’t understand the the rush to get a football game over with. The NBA will play 27 overtimes to determine a winner in a meaningless game in November. Baseball will go 22 innings or more if they have to. So, why can’t the NFL get with it.

3. If we really don’t want to see more than two overtimes, then have a field goal kickoff, kinda like a shootout in hockey or soccer. Have the kickers face off and keep moving them back until someone misses. Hockey got so sick of all the ties that they started shootouts. Why can’t the NFL fix this so it doesn’t happen anymore?

Whatever the solution is, get rid of tie games in the NFL.

I get to work the overnight shift at work for the next few weeks, roughly 10pm to 6am. So, not only will I have zero human interaction at home, but now I’ll also have zero human interaction at work, as I will be the only one in the building.

Now if I was hosting a late-night online radio show, that would be fun. I could also take callers and get to actually talk to people for once.

I decided to write an email to the Bengals regarding some money they owe me. I’ll post the response if I get one:

Dear Cincinnati Bengals franchise,

I am writing to request that your organization reimburse to me the sum of $207.50, the amount of Direct TV’s NFL Sunday Ticket subscription. I ordered the service in order to watch the Bengals games from the state of California. However, I am dissatisfied and disappointed with your sub-par product and do not find it worth the money I have spent. Therefore, I request that you cover the expense.

You may send a check to me at **** Northridge, CA 91324.

Thank you,
Ken —–

I forgot that I’m on Twitter, that stupid site for big blowhards that think they’re important. So, I’ve decided to use it to express my anger about EVERYTHING. I’ll figure out how to make my “twitterings” automatically appear on this site so people don’t have to actually go to twitter. That will be fun. In the meantime, go here:

http://twitter.com/AngryKen

1. Not the Bengals
2. Not the Bengals
3. Not the Bengals
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6. Not the Bengals
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30. Not the Bengals
31. Not the Bengals
32. Cincinnati Bengals

The Bengals will finish 6-10 this season, at best. It’s going to be ugly. Real ugly.

Without further ado, here are my AFC North Predictions:
Steelers: 10-6
Browns: 8-8
Bengals: 6-10
Ravens 5-11

The Bengals will beat the Ravens in Week 1 by a score of 17-7. On the flipside, Baltimore is starting rookie quarterback Joe Flacco, and we know how the Bengals like to make unknown rookie QBs look like the second coming of Johnny Unitas.

Chad Ocho Cinco should at least make things entertaining.