As I’m sure you guys are aware, we’ve been changing things up quite a bit here the past couple of days. Let me know what you think of the site, the new logo, the new categories, pretty much everything. This is once again an opportunity for all of you guys to bitch, so go for it.

Got this in an email;

As President Bush gets off the helicopter in front of the White House, he is carrying a baby pig under each arm. The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says, “Nice pigs, sir.” The President replies: “These are not pigs, these are authentic Texan Razorback Hogs. I got one for Senator Ted Kennedy, and I got one for Senator John Kerry.” The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says, “Nice trade, sir.”

Whoever said that money can’t buy happiness must have been some poor guy. And anyone who thinks that this is true just doesn’t know what to spend it on. Holy hell the happines I could purchase with a few mil. You’d have to surgically remove the smile that I’d have on my face. Remember this above all; money solves all of life’s problems. At least it would solve all of mine. That’s why I could care less when some rich bastard complains about shit. You have money! Shut the fuck up! I hate rich people because they don’t know how to do it right.

The 2001 movie Super Troopers was filmed entirely on location in Reno, Nevada. They had many run-ins with the cops (because of the costumes and what not) and during the documentary that was filmed for the movie by HBO, they saw met many of the officers that the characters on Reno 911 are now based on.

The German autoban does indeed have a posted speed limit. There is one sign placed at the exact midpoint of the highway. The speed limit posted is 2 googles. There has yet to be a single recorded violation.

Let me remind you trunk monkies that this site is called Angry Ken. My name is Ken and I am angry. I complain, I whine, I bitch, I set the record straght, I tell it like it is. “Stop whining,” they say in Schwarzenegger voices. Pardon me, but that is what Angry Ken is here for. If you’re too dimwitted to understand the point, then as Arnold would say, “get out of here!” Otherwise, bask in the glory that are the lunatic rants of Angry Ken. Come. See if you can piss me off today.

I hate speed limits! You know why we have them? Because people are idiots and don’t know how to drive. We have speed limits because of idiots and old people. Because of them, good drivers (like me) are punished, even though we have the ability to handle our vehicles at high speeds. If I had my way, I’d fly down the highway at a minimum of 80 mph. Speed limits of 55? Bullshit! I feel like I could get out and walk faster when I’m going that speed. Now I don’t have the fastest car in the world, but what would be the point if I did. As soon as I break 70, here come the flashing lights. And what’s with the cops that sit in the middle of the highway at 3 AM looking for speeders? No one is out, and the people that are should be able to go as fast as they want. I can understand if some hot dog flies by doing 120 in a silver Corvette, but if someone is going around 80, the cops should let it slide.

I know how to drive. Those who don’t need to have their license revoked and get the hell out of my way.

Astronaut John Glenn once owned several thousand shares of stock in Keebler brand cookies. He loved the cookies so much that he proposed they create a special type of Keebler elf cookie that could be eaten in space. The Keebler company declined Glenn’s request, saying that the product would never sell. John Glenn became so enraged by their refusal to make the space cookies that he immediately sold his entire stock, and went into the forest to chop down every tree he thought contained the ficticious, cookie making elves.

Jones Soda, the delicious beverage that’s sold in a rainbow of flavors on most grocery store shelves, started as a pet project of comedic actor Orlando Jones and rapper Mike Jones. The two were childhood friends and had a lemonade stand that they named “Jones Lemonade”. Years later they ran into eachother as adults and after some talking decided to start a company together, the result, Jones Soda. The crazy pictures as labels started when Orlando’s daughter Bonnie had to do an art project for her high school.

Speaking of people who don’t need to be talented or intelligent to be rich, I’d like to take the time now to discuss just how much Kid Rock absolutely sucks. There’s so much to make fun of with this guy that I don’t even know where to begin. Maybe I should just go down the list of why I hate this guy.

Not bathing/washing your hair and looking like a complete trailor trash slob is not cool. Not even for trailor trash slobs. For the love of god, you’re a milionaire. You can afford some shampoo.

Thinking that your buff when you’re not makes look look like a complete moron too. It might give a thrill to some drugged up 17 yr old mother of 3 to see Kid Rock with his shirt off, but I, nor anyone else, wants to see that. (Obviously I don’t want to see Kid Rock in any capacity, but I digress.) Before getting on stage, could you be so kind to put back on your stained and yellowed Sammy Hager t shirt as you roll off  of that 17 year old stripper who is lying amongst empty whiskey bottles and dirty needles?

Worst of all, Kid Rock has absolutely no talent. He can play a guitar, but the world is filled with people who can do that. He can’t sing or rap. I saw him on Jimmy Kimmel a couple weeks ago and I couldn’t stop laughing. Here’s a Kid Rock esque song I wrote just now:

“I’m the king of swing, I wear a ring, I’m a big ol’ pimp, when I’m eatin shrimp. I’ll kick your butt, even in a rut, I make the songs, that make me strong. I won’t twirl around like a ballerina (actual Kid Rock lyric) but I’ll shine you up like toilet cleana. I’m Kid Rock, and I’m a pimp. My name’s Kid Rock and I like to kick…”

That’s basically what he does, and stupid hicks pay money for this crap.

Kid Rock is a piece of trailor trash. The sooner he dies, the better. Enjoy Hepatitis you talentless fuckhead.