Just keep talking Cowher, you ass. Don’t think we’re gonna forget all your who dey bullshit. You think you’re so creative, trying not to let out that girlish giggle as you lead your little who dey chant. Enjoy the off season. Enjoy that trophy you don’t deserve (at least not for this season.) People who steal sooner or later get caught.

I guess the Grammy awards are tonight. Awards shows like this make me sick, so I don’t watch anymore. I have no idea who is nominated for what, and I don’t care. The music industry is completely pointless. No one today is worth a fraction of the money they make. I haven’t bought a CD in 3 years. If anyone good is actually performing tonight let me know. And by good, I mean someone who plays instruments and has been around for more than 8 years. I don’t need to see some rapper(s) jumping around on stage with their shirt hanging below their knees and some ugly ass jewelry they got swindled into paying more than their life is worth.

On second thought, maybe I will watch. That way I can make fun of everyone on the show.

And anyone who can guess correctly where this post’s title comes from gets (what else) a Grammy!

Dr. Seuss’ “The Grinch who Stole Christmas” was based on a true story. The character of the Grinch was actually a reference to Abe Vigoda and Christmas was the city of Albuquerque, New Mexico. Legend has it that Vigoda strapped several small office buildings on his back, climbed the tallest hill in town, and in a way reminiscent of King Kong, beat his chest and gave out a mighty roar. Once producers in Hollywood got wind of what had happened, they decided to put Mr. Vigoda in pictures. Abe Vigoda is still acting to this day.

I mentioned this earlier, but it still angers me. I’m talking about that Diet Pepsi commercial with “Diddy.” You probably saw it and thought the same thing that everyone in America thought, “god that sucked.” Way to spend $2.5 million.

I’ve hated Diddy for years. It’s not enough for his constant name changes, crappy music, ugly clothing line, or his stupid sunglasses to piss me off. Now he’s making crappy commercials. Who the hell thought this was a good idea? That must be a crack marketing team over at Pepsi.

Does anyone over the age of 12 consider Diddy to be “cool”? The guy is so fucking lame. What makes it worse is that he thinks everyone in the world is always paying attention to him. Why he thinks an overbite and wearing sunglasses at all hours of the day is a good idea escapes me. Biggie must be rolling in his grave at what a sellout this guy has become.

I also think that “Diddy” was the one who set up Biggie so that he could take the spotlight.

Continuing in my “Joey Porter is a piece of Shit” series. I just want to point out how big off an ass this guy made himself out to be last night.

After talking trash all week, Porter was all but nonexistent in the Superbowl. For everything he said he was going to do, I didn’t hear his name mentioned once during the game. Sure they “won” the game, but old Joey didn’t seem to make much of a difference.

After the game, Porter made excuses for why he didn’t do shit during the game. He said that sometimes your number doesn’t get called (although I’m sure he sounded more “street” when he said it) and today my number didn’t get called. I just did what I was told.

In other words, Porter talked trash all week, but when it came time to play, he couldn’t back it up. So now he makes excuses. Way to go Joe. We all knew you were an idiot. Now we just have more proof. Piece of shit.

I know you’re all waiting for it. Either so you can agree with me, which you should, or so you can sit there and tell me I’m an idiot, even though you are. Anyway, time to tell you everything that went wrong in the Superbowl.

First thing wrong with it, Pittsburgh won. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s start from the beginning.

I missed the national anthem with Aaron Neville, but I heard that it was awful. I didn’t really watch any of the pregame crap either. I don’t need to hear about Jerome Bettis’ life story growing up in the mean streets of Detroit for 6 hours. So I’ll go straight to the game.

The officiating was horrendous and clearly favored Pittsburgh. I’ll just make a list of all the bad calls that were made.

- Offensive pass interference which took a touchdown away from Seattle.

- Roethlisberger’s dive that was ruled a td when replay clearly shows that the ball itself did not break the goal line.

- A few holding penalties which were no where to be seen.

- Horse Collar tackle of Shaun Alexander which for some reason wasn’t called.

- A low block called on Matt Hasselbeck when he was trying to tackle the ball carrier who incercepted a pass.

- About a half dozen holding penalties that should have been called against Pittsburgh.

I know there are some things that I am forgetting, but that pretty much sums it up.

Despite blatant cheating in favor of Pittsburgh, I am aware that Seattle made some mistakes too. Mainly in clock management at the end of both halves. I never understand how teams can mismanage the clock so often. You just have to know that you don’t have time to screw around and at least have an idea of what you want to do when the clock is running down. The last play of the game was the worst. Instead of kicking a field goal, they throw the ball about 5 yards to the middle of the field with no hope of getting out of bounds. They also dropped too many passes throughout the game.

So as I’m watching the game and realizing that the Seahawks are going to get screwed by the time this game is over, I figured that maybe the commercials would at least be good right? Wrong. While there were a couple decent spots, like the magic beer fridge, the rest were sub par at best. One that stands out to me as being the absolute worst was the Diet Pepsi ad with P. Diddy. I absolutely hate P. Diddy or whatever the hell he calls himself this month, but this commercial sucked horribly. Why won’t Diddy go away? No one cares about him or thinks he is entertaining in any way. He is a dope and I wish Nasa would launch him into space and leave him there.

After two quarters of robbery were over the score was 10-0 on favor of Seattle. Oh wait, that’s right. The refs didn’t allow that, so the score was actually 7-3 Steelers.

Here comes the halftime show. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t all that good either. Mick Jagger needs to stop shopping in the juniors department. They did exactly what I thought they would. Played “Start Me Up”, followed by a song nobody knew, and finished with “Satisfaction”. They did get a good reaction from the crowd afterwards though. It was kinda weird to watch a bunch of 70 year old guys rocking out, but I’d take this over a cheesy pop act any day.

Second half was more crappy officiating which allowed Pittsburgh to win the game despite not playing very well. They made 3 big plays and that was about it. The refs took care of the rest. Steelers win, I don’t care. I don’t consider them the champions this year. The networks got their wish of a storybook ending by screwing the better team. Do I sound bitter? So what if I do? I hate the Steelers. They shouldn’t have won the game. They shouldn’t have even been in the game. To hell with the Pittsburgh Steelers. The watered down champs.

Being that the big game is just a few hours away, I want to remind everyone that the Pittsburgh Steelers would not be here today had Cincinnati Bengal star quarterback Carson Palmer not been injured. So thank your lucky stars Steeler fans, and if you end up winning today, be sure that you give Kimo the Assassin a ticker tape parade through the slums of your dismal town. We will never forget “the second play”. Fuck the Stealers! AAAARGH!

If you aren’t sick of hearing about Jerome Bettis yet, you most likely will be by the time Sunday’s game actually starts. And that will only be the beginning. I don’t really have anything against Bettis other than the fact that he is a Steeler, but I am really tired of hearing about him. So instead of ranting about it, I decided to have fun with it, and hopefully you can too. I give you the Jerome Bettis Super Bowl Drinking game…

Rules: 5 sips = 1 beer

If the opening promo for the game mentions Jerome Bettis by name or shows his face, yell out “it begins!” and take 1 sip.

Every time the announcers mention Bettis or anytime he is on camera before the kickoff, yell out “superstar” and take a sip.

Anytime they show a Pittsburgh player talking about how they want to win the game for Bettis, yell out “aaw how sweet” and take a sip.

If you aren’t already hammered by kickoff, everytime they zoom in on Bettis when he’s on the sideline take a sip.

Everytime they zoom in on Bettis on the field after a play,yell out “spotlight” and take a sip. Take 2 if Bettis carried the ball on the play and they zoom in.

Everytime the announcers mention that Bettis has never been to, played in, won the Super Bowl, etc., yell out “what the hell took so long?” and take a sip.

Everytime Bettis’ parents are shown in the stands, yell out ’son of a bitch!” and take a sip.

If Bettis rushes and is stopped at or behind the line of scrimmage, yell out “bus stop!” and take a sip.

If (god forbid) Bettis scores a touchdown, yell out any curse and chug the rest of your beer, because all of the above are likely to follow.

You oughta be drunk by the end of the first quarter if you follow the rules, so make sure you have lots of beer on hand.

Historians tend to get it wrong when they proclaim that our beloved 16th president was completely against slavery. Abraham Lincoln, for the better part of his 20’s, owned and operated a southern Georgia plantation filled with enslaved Mexicans. Unearthed last year was an unfinished and unsigned second inaugural speech,

“If I could save the Union by enslaving a single Mexican, I would. If I could save the Union by enslaving a few Mexicans, then by corn, I would. If I could save the Union by enslaving all Mexicans, then I would do it. In fact, I think I’ll just enslave Mexicans for the hell of it. Weeeeee!”

Little is known of what happened in later years to those Mexican slaves that Lincoln owned when he was younger. However, his close friend and ally Fredderick Douglass and he could often be found in the white house ready room, late at night, sipping on margaritas and eating chips and salsa.

Tang wasn’t the astronauts’ original choice for a beverage on the space missions; they themselves had chosen a powdered form of both Mr. Pibb and Red Vines. Budget cuts by NASA however deemed the mix too crazy delicious…. and expensive.