I wrote this back in November for our very own Crazy8opinions.com. This was the unofficial beginning of Angry Ken. Little did we know how many people I was going to piss off. Although I don’t think anyone’s gonna argue with this one. These people totally suck!

8. Britney Spears - Oh baby baby, how are we supposed to care? I sure as hell don’t, and neither does anyone else. You used to be hot. Then you married some piece of trash wanna be thug, moved into a trailer park and had a son who will sure enough end up scarred for life and on some creepy reality show in 18 years. And does every item of clothing you wear have to express something that you are thinking? How about a tank top that says “Look at me. I’m pregnant” That pretty much sums up your wardrobe. I think it’s time for you to go make out with Madonna in a Kabala temple.

7. Ashlee Simpson - Somebody please kick this chick in the throat. It would probably make her sound better. Lip-synching on SNL and getting booed off the stage at the Orange Bowl. All this and yet you still have a career. What is wrong with America? Why is this girl still in the news? She sucks. Plain and simple.

6. Colin Farrell - You can’t say enough about how much I hate this drunken Irish dickhead. First of all I can’t think of one memorable movie he has been in. He apparently thinks he’s such a badass because he drinks heavily, chain smokes, and utters incoherent curses for every other word while trying to string together a sentence. Apparently women love the the smell of cigarette smoke and vodka laced vomit. Somebody punch this idiot in the face with a brick.

5. Ashton Kutcher - I’ll admit that this guy is kinda funny on “That 70’s Show”, well not really, but other than that he is totally annoying. Has anyone has seen “Punk’d” lately? How pointless has that show gotten? “I’M ASHTON KUTCHER BLAH BLAH BLAH! We had an actor fall over in front of you! You just got PUNK’D!” What an obnoxious bastard. But don’t worry. Soon his career will be over because the guy is a completely one-dimensional actor and the 70’s only lasted a decade. The sooner this moronic asshole disappears the better.

4. Paris Hilton - “That’s hot.” Actually, no it’s not and neither are you. Somebody get this girl a damn sandwich. Nothing about this girl turns me on. What a vapid airhead. Her brain is completely void of any relevant thought. The simple life? More like the simple mind. SLAP!

3. Kid Rock - Another wannabe hardass. This is America pal, and in America we try to shower at least once a week. He must have missed the memo. This guy seems to roll out of bed every morning, put on the nearest beer stained REO Speedwagon t shirt and soak his hair in bacon grease. What a cool guy. Oh yeah and he is a musician, if you wanna call it that. How come the people that deserve to be shot never are?

2. Fred Durst - Possibly the biggest poser on the planet. Hearing him try to rap or sing or really do anything makes me want to blow my own brains out. What a bitch. This guy would run from a girl scout troop. Actually he’d probably join one. I’d pay money to swing a bat into the head of this no talent waste of space.

1. P. Diddy - Uh huh, yeeah. I hate so many people that it’s hard to pick one to hold that coveted number 1 spot, but it’s hard to deny the power of annoyance that Sean Combs aka Puff Daddy aka P. Diddy aka Diddy possesses. Anyone who has a ceremony to change their name from Puff Daddy to P. Diddy has a serious ego problem going on. Uh huh, yeeah. This guy thinks that everyone is concerned about what he is doing all the time. I guess he’s so cool that he can wear sunglasses at night, or indoors, or in his drivers license photo. I guess he needs something to distract people from the huge overbite action he’s got going on. At least try to close your mouth! Biggie must be rolling in his grave after seeing what this dope has made of his legacy. Personally, I think “Diddy” was in on the whole thing so he could take center stage. What a fuckhead!

University of Cincinnati Athletic Director Mike Thomas recently sat down to answer questions about the search for a head basketball coach, with the stipulation that he would not discuss individual candidates. You can read his responses here. 

Now read what he really should have said:

Question: Do you have a list of finalists for the job?

Answer: We have a short list of made up names surrouned by crude stick figure drawings. (When we hired the search firm) folks automatically assumed we had gotten nowhere. They’re pretty much correct in that assumption.

Q: Why did you hire the search firm?

A: As athletic director, it is my job to find and hire a head coach. However, I am quite incompetant at doing so, and since I am a lazy bastard, I decided to use university money to pay someone else to do the job.

Q: Is the search firm looking for candidates you might have overlooked, or did you give it a list of finalists to work from?

A: We already made a list. It would make too much sense to hire an outside firm and have them expand on what we’ve already done. Plus, there’s a chance they might find some excellent candidates, which would divert from our plan of screwing everything up. We just don’t know what to do beyond making a list.

Q: What made some people question your decision to hire Eastman & Beaudine, Inc., was the Feb. 27 letter you sent to the boosters in which you wrote “at this time, I have no plans to utilize the assistance of an external search firm.” What changed after you wrote that letter?

A: If you read the letter, it says, “at this time.” I never said that I wouldn’t hire a search firm. It was basically a way to humor the boosters, make them happy for the time being.

Q: Did you first contact the firm after you wrote the letter to the boosters?

A: Oh, absolutely. About 20 seconds after sticking those letters in the mailbox.

Q: How much is the university paying the firm?

A: Remember when we wasted millions of dollars to hire an outside firm to redesign our logo? Not quite that much, but still enough to where it would have made sense for me to just do the job I am paid for rather than using more of the University’s money. But I’m sure we will just raise the students’ tuition again to cover the cost.

Q: Can you say how many coaches are on your short list?

A: What list? Oh right, the coaches list….no.

Q: And current UC interim head coach Andy Kennedy is on that list?

A: I will say yes, because I have to humor the boosters and the fans.

Q: The fan base has overwhelmingly supported Kennedy. Has that affected your search?

A: Not really. The fans do not play a part in this. If we were here to make the fans happy then things would be going great. We have been pissing the fans off for months now. Why would we stop? It’s not like fan support will make or break the program.

Q: Are you concerned that if you wait too long and you decide Kennedy is your choice, you might lose him to another school that offers him a job before you do?

- Angry Ken says: Seriously, I don’t even need to make this up from this point on. It’s already ridiculous. Read for yourself. I will just go to the last question.

Q: Is there anything you want to add? Anything you want to say to UC fans?

A: For the sake of PR, I will say that I can’t tell you how proud I am of this program and the student-athletes and I’m just as proud of the fans for sticking with this program, despite our gross incompetance, and being there and being the sixth man because I know it (should) mean a lot to me, it means a lot to the coaches we will eventually fire and it means a lot to the kids who we have insulted and disrespected. We have set UC’s basketball program back 3 or 4 years with poor decision making. Hopefully fans will still show up when we are a losing team with no recruits and unable to reach the NCAA tournament for years to come.

….Is Angry Ken finally getting the recognition that it deserves? We’re up for a Bloggy Award. Everyone deserves to hear my rant, one day I’ll dominate the world!!! This is merely the first step!!! Bwah ha ha ha!!! We now return you to your regularly scheduled pissed off ness.

I see that one of the teams (Seton Hall) that got into the NCAA tournament over Cincinnati got beat by 20 in the opening round. Like I didn’t see that coming. I would’ve put money on Cincinnati beating Whichita State. Fuck you Craig Littlepage!

Howard Stern sucks. The only person that bitches more than him is me. But I’m not rich so I’m allowed to. I don’t know why David Letterman is always having him on his show, but then again, Letterman has never been funny. At least not to me.

I used to listen to Stern on the radio during my commutes to school. It was somewhat entertaining. Enough to get me through the half hour drive to campus. But after Stern was sanctioned or fined or whatever it was, all he did from that point forth was bitch and moan about how he was being denied his rights to free speech and all this crap. It eventually got old listening to Stern constantly whine about getting out to go to satellite radio. Cry me a fucking river. I quickly stopped listening.

Never have I heard someone with so much fame and money complain so much. Somebody should whack him in the knees with a baseball bat to accompany his many previous hits with the ugly stick. This is one guy who can actually make you dumber just by listening to him. What a jagoff. Howard Stern sucks.

Check out the new shout box over to the right of the screen. Now I can let you all clowns have it in real time.

So Cincinnati has 80 year old subway tunnels that have never been used. Now city officials are thinking about reviving the plan and opening the downtown subway. Let me tell you why this is a BAD idea.

First, this idea would cost several million dollars just to bring the place up to code and the other crap they’s have to do just to get it up and running again. And who would foot the bill? Why us tax payers of course.

Second, no one is going to use the subway. You can make it as fancy and modern as you want, but the only people that are gonna ride the thing are ghetto people that can’t afford cars and that really don’t have any place to go anyway.

And since only street thugs will be hanging around the subway, crime is sure to increase. Robberies and rapes would become all too common in the dark tunnels of the subway system. Do we want to spend millions for that?

Take my advice. Opening the subway is a bad idea. One which I see no good coming from. Just leave it. Either fill them in or have a tour of the tunnels or something. Don’t waste the time and money to reopen them. 

Thanks to “Steel City Gal” for the submission:

 
Crack-head skinny chicks piss me off. But what pisses me off more are men like Ken who think that look is actually attractive (not true-ed.) People like you are to blame for the millions of girls and women suffering from eating disorders in this country. I am a tall, shapely woman. Not fat, not skinny, just healthy. I recently had someone tell me that if I just lost some weight I could be a model. Well fuck you. I love me the way I am and I don’t want to be some gaunt supermodel craving a fucking brownie. If I want something, I will eat it. I will not deprive myself of something to satisfy someone else. So thanks to all the men out there, my husband included, who prefers a woman with shapely hips and ample breasts. And to those of you who only like the Nicole Richie types, go to hell. I will lose 20 pounds when you grow a 12″ penis.

I’ll skip the rhetoric and get right into how much of a bitch UC president Nancy Zimpher is.

First of all, by firing Bob Huggins, Zimpher has set the basketball program back about 4 or 5 years. She fires Huggins for personal reasons, she insults everyone involved with the team, including the players, and she won’t even hire interim coach Andy Kennedy to a full time position. Nancy Zimpher is a bitch.

Despite all of Nancy’s crap, Kennedy was still able to lead the Bearcats to what would have been (if the selection committee didn’t have their heads up their asses) an NCAA tournament berth. Despite the unexpected success, they refuse to offer Andy Kennedy a contract. Instead, they have hired an outside firm to conduct a search for a new head coach. Isn’t that the athletic director’s (Mike Thomas) job? We’ve already lost our incoming recruits and haven’t been able to recruit new ones because of the mess Nancy made. Nancy Zimpher is a bitch.

The basketball program isn’t the only thing Zimpher’s administration has fucked up. Look at UC’s new logo. Yeah that’s right, if you squint you might be able to see the difference from the old one. She hired an outside firm to do that too. For a few million dollars, Cincinnati’s logo was italicized. UC has one of the best design programs in the country. Instead of having that department or its students design a new logo, they waste millions on having someone else do it. Real smart thinking there. Nancy Zimpher is a bitch.

Congratulations Nancy Zimpher. You have completely destroyed the thing that made UC what it is today. Do us and yourself a favor and resign. And take AD Mike Thomas with you. Nancy Zimpher, you are a bitch.

Just a couple final thoughts. Although UC is in the NIT now, I hope they plow through everyone and prove without a doubt that they belonged in the NCAA tournament.

I can’t wait until Bob Huggins starts coaching again. I plan to follow whatever college he ends up at, in addition to UC.

NANCY ZIMPHER IS A BITCH!!!

I can’t believe this shit! The fact that the Cincinnati Bearcats wear not selected to be in the NCAA tournament is one of the biggest shockers I’ve ever witnessed. What the hell were those dumbfucks on the selection committee thinking? Especially with choosing a team like Air Force, who didn’t beat anybody. WTF?!

There is no good reason why Cincinnati was not selected. They’re strength of schedule was #6 overall with an RPI of 40, they had 10 wins over teams ranked in the top 100, and several of those wins were over teams in the top 50. Their most recent win was over #18 West Virginia, for an 8-8 record in the Big East (the toughest league in the NCAA). Still, for some reason, that wasn’t enough.

Everyone thought that the win over WV would be enough for a spot in the tourney. So are Craig Littlepage and his committee buddies going to sit here and say that UC still wouldn’t have gotten in had Syracuse not stolen the game in the Big East tourney? When asked about it, Littlepage said that the last second shot did not determine UC’s fate. I guess getting into the second round of the Big East tournament wouldn’t have been enough either for those assholes.

To say that the Syracuse game didn’t result in UC not getting in is a load or horse shit. Apparently the committee only looks at the last 10 games or so of the season, which would explain giving Syacuse a #5 seed.

So why should a team bother trying in the first half of the season when the only thing that counts is how you finish. And god help you if one of your better players gets injured, because no matter how well you do, the committee of jackasses will knock you down. I don’t know why an injury to a player should affect a team’s seeding. It should be what the team accomplished. Look back to 2000 when Cincinnati was all but guaranteed a #1 seed until Kenyon Martin broke his leg in the conference tournament.

Whether you are a fan of Cincinnati or not, you have to shake your head at the whole selection process. There was a team (I can’t remember who) that was ranked 20th in the RPI and didn’t get in either. So it’s clear that the RPI rankings mean absolutely nothing. Littlepage and the rest of the seletion committe are shitheads and know nothing about college basketball. They are a complete embarassment.