This is an email I came across at work.

“I am curious about your policy on large dogs in your stores. I was at your store and I had two encounters with dogs in the store. There are individuals, including myself, who are very alergic to dogs. One dog was of large size and the other one was running in the store. There are children present!! When did stores start allowing dogs? Please comment on your current policy.”

Stupid lady, have you ever heard of a seeing eye dog? Or maybe just a general “helper” dog.  Who the hell is this person?   Probably some rich snooty old lady with nothing better to do than complain about dumb crap like this.  Is she going to have an allergic reaction if a dog walks by her? Better not let her near a park.

This is why I hate people.  Next she will complain that people shouldn’t be allowed to use a wheelchair because they might run over her foot.

And if a stray dog was loose in the store, oh well. Shit happens. Dogs wander into places. When I was a kid we had dogs come into school several times. 

God save us all from these horrid beasts!

I was watching this show on National Geographic about elephants and how they are angrier than ever.  After what I saw, I don’t blame them.  People have been real assholes when it comes to elephants.  It really pissed me off.  They force elephants into small spaces because of logging, farming etc., and then wonder why the elephants come back and stomp on their asses and their homes.  Good for them, I say.  The things they were showing, like poachers shooting elephants from a helicopter for no reason.  I wouldn’t mind if the elephants stepped on all of those assholes.

Elephants are awesome animals that you need not f*** with.  I side with them on this.  Leave the elephants be, or else you deserve to get stamped thinner than a vinyl record.

*First person to correctly guess how many times I used the word elephant gets a no prize.

Well I had most of a rant on people who steal and how they are pathetic cowards, but this damn website erased the whole thing.  That’ll teach me not to hit save after every word typed.

So let’s do this.  People who break into cars to steal stuff flat out suck.  I know most of us have had this happen before.  It happened to me about 3 years ago and it pissed me off.  I only wish I knew who did it so I could hunt them down and ruin their life.  My advice is get a car alarm if you have something you want to protect.  After I got one on my previous car, it saved it from further break-ins numerous times. 

If you have a story about robbery, break-ins, car break-ins or theft, talk about it. 

Particularly if you have ever lived in an apartment complex, you’ve probably listened in on a neighbor having an argument of some sort.  This is probably even more true if you live next to people that are, how you say, somewhat lacking in class.

Domestic disturbances are a funny thing.  They seem to follow a pattern.  They almost always happen late at night, often when you’re trying to sleep.  You’re laying there in bed, waiting to drift off when you hear a loud crash, such as breaking glass.  You leap up and look out your window, but don’t see anything.  After a few minutes you get back in bed.

No sooner than you shut your eyes do you here another crash, followed by someone yelling.  Again, you rush to the window and peer through the blinds, keeping your light off as not to be seen.  You watch the people arguing with each other, yelling and screaming. 

Now you’re hooked and end up watching this play out for the next hour or so.  Everytime you think it’s over, it’s so not.  You end up getting out of bed about 7 or 8 times after hearing somebody yelling or cursing.  Once it dies down, you give it around 10 more minutes before finally giving up on any more action happening.

You know you’ve done this before.  It’s fun, except when one of the participants gets violent.  That’s when you might want to get involved by calling the police so no one gets hurt.  You know how rednecks are when they’ve been drinking.

I am really amazed at how many people I’ve seen recently riding motorcycles without a helmet.  You’d think after Ben Roethlisberger’s accident that people would maybe take notice and decide to be a little safer. 

I guess not. 

Since that happened, I see several people everyday flying down the highway with nothing on their heads.  What the hell is wrong with these people?! You know what it is.  It’s the “It won’t happen to me” syndrome.  Well guess what.  It can happen, and it might happen.  So why not at least be prepared if it does?  Do you think you look cool riding without a helmet?  Well you don’t.  You like a dumbass and you probably are, so you really should wear a helmet to protect what little bit of brains you have.

I can understand not wearing a helmet if you are just taking a casual ride around your neighborhood.  The streets aren’t busy and speed is not much of an issue.  Wearing a helmet still isn’t a bad idea, but the risk is minimal.

Riding on busy roads or on the highway is a completely different story.  You wipe out doing speeds upwards of 70 or 80 mph and you are done my friend.  You’ll have rookie detectives puking up their lunch at the sight of your splattered noggin along the pavement.

Don’t be a dipshit.  Wear a helmet. They make plenty of cool looking styles.  Plus, wearing a helmet at least makes it look like you know what you’re doing and not like some dumbass who jumped on some random bike and took off.

I would like to take this opportunity to profess my love for ESPN sportscaster Rachel Nichols.  Everytime she appears on the screen I am riveted and captivated by her eloquence and beauty.  The best part is, she’s a woman that’s into sports.  I’m sure we would be a match made in heaven.  Now if only I could get her to notice me.  Maybe Mark Cuban can tell Rachel that I like her.

I have always been one of those people that really had no need or desire to leave their hometown, Cincinnati.  But the more I think about it, the more moving to a new town seems like a good idea.

Let’s face it.  The only thing I have here is family.  I have very few good friends here, no career here, and what looks like no future here.  The only things I would really miss are my family, the Reds, and the Bengals.  Other than that, there is nothing keeping me here.  And I find myself surrounded by alot of just plain shitty people that I need to get far away from.

So now not only do I have to decide whether to go or not, but where to go.  The main factor would be the job situation.  I can’t seem to find a good job where I am now, so it looks like I will go where the best offer is.  I definitely don’t want to end up in the middle of nowhere though.  Hopefully a suburb of a major city.  Kinda like where I am now.  I’d like to still be close enough to make an occasional drive back to the ‘Nati. 

I suppose I have options.  The problem is I don’t know my way around any other place than here.  But I guess that’s all a part of relocating.  I like the idea of Indianapolis, Connecticut, or Florida.  Maybe I could find a good job in one of those areas.

I’m thinking more and more that moving is a good idea.  So many things have gone wrong here.  Maybe I need to start fresh in a new city/state.

Skittles are probably my favorite candy and have been since I was a kid.  But there is a problem.  Now they’ve been putting that stupid strawberry icecream flavored Skittle in every bag in place of the regular strawberry Skittle.  The red Skittles were the best ones!  Now you can’t even find a bag of regular Skittles.  If I wanted something that tasted like icecream I’d get ICECREAM!  The new flavor ruins the entire taste.  Just how long is this crap going to go on anyway?  Bring back the original Skittles damnit! 

Does the name of the band Gnarls Barkley have anything to do with former NBA star Charles Barkley? Or is it just a coincidence.  Either way, what if some other band’s decided to garner inspiration from Sir Charles?  We could hear music form the likes of

Snarls Harkley

Barles Charkley

Barly Arkley

Charley Brownley

Snarly Charley

Brawny Burley

Bilbo Bagley

Parker Posey

…You get the idea.  You can even come up with your own!  Go ahead and try it.

The gas prices keep rising and I think it’s bullcrap.  I have to fill up on my way home from work today and I’ve already spent enough money this past week.  What happened to the days when gas was right around $1.30 a gallon?  Ah crap this sucks.

Is there any end in sight?  Probably not.  The way I see it, we all deal with the high cost of gas and eventually become used to it.  After a while, We’ll be thrilled to have have gas prices at $3 a gallon when the price shoots up between $3.50 and $4.00 or higher.  It’s all part of the damn oil companies’ plan. 

The days of $2.00 gas are gone.  Get ready to shell out half your paycheck on a damn tank of gas.