I find myself stuck smack in the middle of one of the worst ruts of my life.  It’s just freaking boring.  What the heck do I do that’s interesting?  I get up in the morning, go to my crappy job where I get paid much less than I deserve, come home to an empty apartment, eat dinner alone, and proceed to watch whatever happens to be on TV that night.  That’s pretty much my week.  I can only hope something better is on its way.  This sucks.

Which brings me to the issue of Karma.  No, my name isn’t Earl, but I am a believer in Karma.  The only problem is that Karma seems to be non-existent in my life.   No matter how many good things I do (or bad things I don’t do) Karma seems to have nothing good for me in return.  But it seems if I even think about doing anything slightly negative, (this could be something as small as forgetting to hold a door for someone) BOOM!  I trip down the stairs.  What does a guy have to do to catch a break?  Maybe I just really do have the absolute worst luck in the world.  Everything seems to bring me back to that conclusion.

So at this point I’m not really sure what to do.  Should I accept the fact that I just have really bad luck?  I’m not going to turn into a huge jerk and start treating people like crap like many have done to me, but it would be nice to have something good happen for a change considering I’m a fairly nice guy who is just always at the short end of the stick.

I could go on and on, but it’s getting late, and I have a rut to get back into tomorrow.

In some of the most blatant false advertising campaigns, commercials for those Tag and Axe body sprays always show women more or less attacking any guy that sprays this stuff on his person. 

I’ll tell you right now, this just doesn’t happen in real life. And, it is exactly the reason why I have yet to buy any of these types of products. If it was guaranteed that flocks of gorgeous women would be chasing me down in grocery store aisles and parking lots, I would buy this stuff by the case. 

And to the ladies out there, do you find this at all offensive that these companies believe that just a guy smelling good will have you all over him?

Anyway, I think my associate Ryan put it best after seeing an Axe commercial. 

“I have Axe and that has never happened!” He exclaimed.

It sure hasn’t.  Because if that crap really worked, I’d use it all the time.  Women chase money.  Not body spray.

If I buy this stuff, can I get my money back when hot women don’t try to trample me on the streets?

With all the hubbub regarding illegal aliens coming in from Mexico to work and what not, I propose a solution to this controversy.

First of all, I have no problem with people coming to this country to work, as long as they do it legally and actually earn their money. To say that Mexicans are coming over and taking jobs from Americans is just not true.

So here’s what I propose. We have alot of Mexicans willing to work hard to make a better life for themselves here in America. Also in America, we have alot of homeless people who do not want to work, but instead beg for handouts on the street. A friend of mine was telling me a story about how the president of the company he works for was driving down the street. A man approached his car and asked him for money. The ceo asked the man if he could push a broom. The man said yes. So the CEO told him that he would give him a job, pay him $10 an hour, and he would have access to clean clothes and a shower. The homeless man declined the offer.

So since we have illegal aliens wanting to work and homeless bums that don’t, why don’t we make a trade. Allow immigrants to come to this country legally and find work, meanwhile have the homeless that are not willing to get jobs go down to Mexico. I would much rather have an immigrant with a strong work ethic come here to work than have a homless American that chooses to get by only on handouts from passers by.

Nobody is taking anyone’s job. You can’t steal something if that person doesn’t want it in the first place.

So Cincinnati has 80 year old subway tunnels that have never been used. Now city officials are thinking about reviving the plan and opening the downtown subway. Let me tell you why this is a BAD idea.

First, this idea would cost several million dollars just to bring the place up to code and the other crap they’s have to do just to get it up and running again. And who would foot the bill? Why us tax payers of course.

Second, no one is going to use the subway. You can make it as fancy and modern as you want, but the only people that are gonna ride the thing are ghetto people that can’t afford cars and that really don’t have any place to go anyway.

And since only street thugs will be hanging around the subway, crime is sure to increase. Robberies and rapes would become all too common in the dark tunnels of the subway system. Do we want to spend millions for that?

Take my advice. Opening the subway is a bad idea. One which I see no good coming from. Just leave it. Either fill them in or have a tour of the tunnels or something. Don’t waste the time and money to reopen them. 

What’s up with those white guys that think they’re black? Could they look anymore ridiculous with the clothes they wear? Come on. Whenever you see a white guy wearing super baggy jeans that hang below his ass with a t shirt that reaches below the knees, you should just point and laugh. He is not a “gangsta” and is probably a complete drain on society while trying to portray the “thug life” in the middle of the suburbs.

It’s bad enough when they dress the part, but when they try to talk like thugs is even worse. Look whitey. You know damn well that you did not grow up on the streets and were raised in a normal middle class home with both your parents. You were taught how to properly communicate. You just either forgot because you spend all day watching BET, or you think you won’t be “hard” if you don’t use ebonics and talk with a ghetto accent.

Seriously. GROW UP! Do you really think you’re going to be acting like that when you’re in your 30’s? Take the sticker off of your baseball cap and turn it forward. You are not a thug, you are not street, hood, or any of those things. Start speaking English and do something with your life. And don’t try rapping because you suck.

Oh by the way. It’s hard drive a car if you can’t see over the dash board. You aren’t driving a Laz-E-Boy recliner. Raise your seat back up and drive like a normal person, idiot!

In an amazing twist, nothing has yet to piss me off today. At least nothing I haven’t already bitched about. I’ve pretty much just been waiting for updates on the trade between the Indiana Pacers and the Sacramento Kings. It might piss me off if the trade doesn’t end up going through. Other than that I got nothin’. Suggestions anyone?

Dude, this guy sucks. How does he even still have a career.? He hasn’t been in a single good movie and no one watches his new show. I can’t even remember what it’s called, but it’ll be cancelled by spring. Make this guy go away. He serves no purpose pertaining to entertainment, or any purpose at all for that matter.

Just stop. Stop right now. Nothing about popping the collar of your polo shirt is fashionable in any way. You look like a toolbag. And god help you if that shirt you chose to pop the collar of happens to be the color pink. If you sport this look, you deserve to be shot. You might as well be wearing a big sign on your head that says “I’m a douchebag.”

Which brings me to the pink shirts. Who the hell said this was fashionable, or even a good idea. Whenever I see some thug walking around with a pink T that hangs down past his knees I don’t know whether to laugh at them or pity them. Pink is not a manly color. The only time a pink shirt is acceptable is when it is in the form of a “salmon” colored dress shirt with a tie. And even that’s pushing it. Are there any sports teams that use pink in their uniforms? No. And god willing there never will be. That’s why we have to keep shi*t heads like P Diddy from designing any team uniforms. I guarantee he will screw it up. Look at his Sean John brand.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Don’t wear pink, unless you’re a girl. Don’t be like this guy.

What is the deal with you people?! Sarcastic, smug jackasses. New York accents have to be the most annoying accents on the planet. I can’t stand listening to you people talk. Now if you are from New York and are somewhat pleasant, this does not apply to you. As for the rest, stop being such jerks will ya? I don’t know what it is that makes you think you have the right to be an asshole to everyone you encounter. Are you trying to prove you are tough or that you won’t take any crap? I really don’t care, and neither does anyone else. Go ride the subway, jerks.

I want to live in Sandwich, Illinois. What a delicious place to live. I wonder if that’s where the sandwich was invented?