Luckily for Chicago fans, even shitty teams can make the playoffs in baseball. Seriously. All the cubs had to do was be 8 games above .500 in baseball’s worst division. And they celebrate this monumental achievement in mediocrity with bottles of champagne.

I guess Cub fans need something to be happy about. I mean, we all know none of them have jobs (much like the thousands of unemployed Steeler fans) which is why you spend your time at other towns’ ballparks, following a team that hasn’t won anything in like 300 years. This is why I hate living in LA, because I didn’t get to go to the final series in Cincinnati. The fact that my stadium was filled with all these degenerate losers just makes me sick. Now I know that there weren’t many Reds fans there due to the fact that this was yet another lost season, much like the last 12. But I wish I could’ve at least been there to help fight off the blue masses. (On a side note, I’ve been to these games before, and Cub fans are some of the most obnoxious jerkoffs I’ve ever seen.)

My only hope is that we have another Bartman incident, so everyone can see their true colors. Or maybe the Cubs can follow in the Cardinals’ footsteps and become the worst team to ever win a world series.