You can also get to the chopper at Mahalo.

I got to the chopper once. It was pretty cool.

Not only is Los Angeles designed like they let some drunk play a real life version of Sim City, I’m pretty sure that the actual roads are designed to destroy the cars that drive on them everyday. I don’t think there is a single stretch of smooth pavement longer than 50 feet. With the amount of driving I do here, I’m amazed my car hasn’t been rattled to pieces yet. It makes the most sense that the car dealerships in Los Angeles made some kind of deal with the city for them to pave really crappy roads, therefore dishing out some heavy wear and tear on car, forcing people to buy new ones sooner than they normally would. Yep, that’s my theory.

This wouldn’t be an issue if I had a flying Delorean or one of those George Jetson cars. 2008 my ass.

With the success of last month’s live coverage of the WWE Royal Rumble, I’ll be covering No Way Out this Sunday. The Mahalo links for that and other live sports events this weekend are listed below.

http://www.mahalo.com/WWE_No_Way_Out_Live_Coverage

http://mahalo.com/NBA_All-Star_Saturday
http://mahalo.com/NBA_All-Star_Game_Live_Coverage
http://mahalo.com/Pavlik_Taylor_Live_Coverage
http://mahalo.com/Daytona_500_Live_Coverage

This video cracks me up. AHA!

My new favorite site: 18-Fail

HAHAHA, FAIL.

Despite my predictions that it would fail, “Meet the Spartans” came in first at the box office this weekend. This means one thing:

I have seriously overestimated the intelligence of people in our society.

I’m going to be blunt. If you went out and saw this movie, you are a complete f***ing IDIOT! I don’t care. You are the kind of dumb that used to only exist in cartoons. If you left this movie after seeing it thinking what a waste of time and money it was and regretted your choice that evening, then you are STILL an idiot because you should have known better. There are no passes for this one.

And don’t come on here commenting that you saw it and liked it and that I should shut up. You’re an idiot of the highest order and don’t deserve to breathe, let alone speak.

You know what I saw this weekend? Rambo. That’s right! F***ing RAMBO! Because Rambo kicks ass and did in this movie like he was supposed to. It’s not academy award winning storytelling. It’s just loud violent fun.

Nothing is fun about “Meet the Spartans.” These movies are single handedly killing cinematic comedy. Parody is not taking something and re-creating it with shitty actors doing poor imitations. Parody is taking something and putting a unique, humorous spin on it (Mel Brooks, The Simpsons). You can’t spoof a comedy. Borat is funny. Watching someone I never heard of dress up like Borat and it’s not a Halloween party? NOT funny.

This all proves that there are a ton of stupid people out there. It also means that we’re going to get another one of these steaming piles of monkey shit next year, probably featuring a lot of handheld camera shots of people screaming “oh my god,” “what is that!” and “ohshitohshitohshitohshit!”

So keep it up, young America. Continue to provide these horrible writers and directors with more money to make more horrible movies. You deserve to be charged with a felony if you saw “Meet the Spartans.”

I will personally be live-blogging the WWE Royal Rumble for Mahalo.com on Sunday, January 27th (TODAY!). This will be the best live Rumble coverage on the interwebs, so I recommend checking it out. I give it my own personal stamp of quality, whatever that means.

http://www.mahalo.com/Royal_rumble_live_coverage

Every so often I get the itch to buy a new car, but it usually fades away. Either that or I can’t decide which car I like anymore (other than Mustangs of course).

Lately I love the Mazdaspeed3. Problem is I don’t want to get rid of the vehicle I have now, and I don’t really want to deal with two separate car payments at the moment.

I imagine rich people never have to worry with decisions like these. Maybe I’ll be really stupid and buy it anyway. Meh!

I absolutely hate that stupid Soulja Boy song with a passion that burns with the heat of a thousand suns, but this video made me laugh out loud for several minutes. Someone clearly had a lot of time on their hands, but I’m glad they did.

Who the f*ck does Phillip Rivers think he is? Every time they show his punk ass on the sideline he’s talking trash to some fan. What a little bitch. He hasn’t done anything to allow him to talk trash to anyone. He only talks to people that he knows can get at him. You never see him talking to anyone on the opposing defense. Why? Cause he’s a bitch.

Well it looks like the there’s only one team left in the playoffs that isn’t full of assholes, Green Bay. I hope Favre wins it all one last time.